maybe..

my friends say i deserve to be happy

i think i believe that too

but then i look at my own photo thinking

why would anyone ever love you

he's next to me in the photo

he's charming and witty

and the only thing he feels for me

is an immense amount of pity

we don't look good together

i should have chosen a different shirt

he is so gorgeous

and i'm a trash bag in a skirt

my friends say i am beautiful

but they are far too kind

and that day i rip myself to shreds

inside my mind

i'm just an idea

that i've been deconstructing since noon

he used to like me

but he'll get over that soon

they always do eventually

i think i believe that too

i look at that damn photo

why would anyone stay with you

i'm trying to breathe through it

i've always been too dramatic

my hands start to shake

the shaking's always been automatic

he's next to me in the photo

he's calm and oblivious

i'm next to him in the photo

i'm paranoid and hideous

my friends say i deserve to be happy

but that happiness won't stay

because i have a bad habit

of always pushing it away

i don't want this anymore

it's heavy and i'm tired

i deserve to be loved

cared for and desired

i deserve to be happy

i know that to be true

i'm screaming at that photo

he chose to sit next to you

maybe if i was quiet

maybe then yeah i say

maybe if i talk less

it would have gone another way

maybe talk more

maybe get it all out

maybe you deserve to be happy

without all this looming doubt

CELIA